Directions #1

Right. Do you know Clapham Common already? Yes? Brilliant. Well, you know about a third of the way between Clapham Common tube station and the Windmill, there's a big duckpond next to the road (opposite Lambeth College)? Well if you were to swim across the duckpond and strike out directly inland once you got to the other side youd find a big tree stood on its own right in the middle. That's where we will be.

Directions #2

Apparently the above directions aren't good enough.

*sigh*. So Whatley told me to post a photo of the picnic site to help. Here it is.

Directions #3

STILL not enough?

Right.

These are step by step directions to the picnic site from Clapham Common tube station.

First, get off the tube. Look across the road and you will see the common. I am assuming that anyone who cannot complete this step on their own probably doesn't deserve to be coming to the picnic anyway and should stay at home and think about what they've done.

There's a big junction with loads of traffic lights and stuff. You need to be crossing this, then go onto the common at the corner that looks like this photo. Do not walk into the tree, but stride purposefully across the grass in a diagonal fashion, towards the path on the other side.

Directions #4

Once you have negotiated across this little bit of common, dodging the sunbathers and winos, you will come to this crossing. Cross it. You are now on a BIG bit of common.

Directions #5

Your view should look something like this. There's a whacking great duckpond on your left. There may be ducks, but if not don't let this confuse you. The big ones are geese.

Directions #6

If you look to your right you will see a basketball court and a little shack where the local yoof like to sit and discuss philosophy and stab each other.

If you look to your left you will see this (more duck pond. I cannot overstress the importance of the duckpond to these directions).

Directions #7

Nearly there.

Now, with the duckpond on your left, look out across the expanse of green loveliness to your right. Can you see a gurt big tree there? Does it look like this? Does it have a bunch of loons dressed like animals sitting about underneath it? Then congratulations! You have found the picnic. Or, if you have got lost and found another tree with a Fancy Dress Picnic underneath it, well done you. Stay with them and drink their beer. They're probably nicer than us anyway.